Help.

something happened, and a switch flipped. I don't love producing tv news anymore. I hoped the feeling would wear off. that it would go away. but it hasn't. It has stayed much, much longer than I wanted it to. it hurts. it kills me. because it's always what I wanted to do... I'm not sure what i am going to do without it.

I loved it. I felt energized and challenged. Now I feel like I've aged 10 years. i have been dragged thru the depths by bad management who can't figure out why people don't want to stay there. why people don't want to watch us. i don't understand why they've watched so long.

i've been reaching out. trying to make connections. i'm not good at it. i am not good at reaching out for help. but I also know i can't write or format a resume to save my life. i have no idea even where to start on my search. fortunately i have many people who love and care for me who want to help. i hope that it is thru them that i can find a new direction.

I want to help people. sounds cliche, I know... but i want to do something with my life that helps improve other lives. that helps society and will reward me not in money necessarily (though that would be nice) but in peace within my soul. i want peace.

right now, i don't have that.

i have anxiety.